In Seattle, you can retrieve fresh needles from dispensers at your local Safeway bathroom while you take a break from pocketing the merchandise. This is part of a growing initiative to promote the sanitary abuse of drugs. Toronto joins in on the trend by decriminalizing controlled drugs for personal use in a noble attempt to support people’s rights to their bodies. The world is moving in the right direction: people need easier access to fentanyl for when they stub their toes. Moreover, recreational use of drugs has also pervaded sports. Bodybuilding, for instance, has adopted a more tolerable sentiment when it comes to performance-enhancing drugs. The natural tested competitions’ athletes are called “soft”, whereas the untested competitors drive in larger audiences by the sheer impressiveness of their size; the Arnold Classic and Mr. Olympia competitions no longer routinely test their athletes for substances, as the fans desire to see “freaks of nature.” Attention and attendance bring the capital. This logic makes sense and also explains why WNBA players don’t get paid much. It’s up to Caitlin Clark to save the WNBA.
There’s soon to be an international sports event where Olympians are allowed to have their morning Wheaties with a side of testosterone. Called the Enhanced Games, the competition won't test its athletes for any substances; anything goes. The world can witness how far we can really push the human body. An athlete would be able to output over 100% of his power like Cyborg, but instead of the human will being the catalyst, it’s anabolic steroids. Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt need to make room for The Deep and A-Train. A surefire future success, the competition has already received big investments from large figures, such as Peter Thiel.
More sports can stand to benefit from the presence of hard drugs, such as methamphetamines. There’s a WorldStarHipHop video of a crackhead hitting a backflip off the roof of a two-story house and busting his ass. He twice quickly stands up only to revert to the three-point superhero landing pose; he expended 99% of his HP for $1. Like Dave Chappelle said, “[he’s] like Evel Knievel; [he gets] paid for the attempt.” But the sole fact that he was able to stand after such a fall speaks to the incredible resilience and endurance of these athletic addicts. And how can we ever possibly forget about the Miami Zombie in 2012 who ate the face of a homeless man and only got put down after eating 5 bullets like they were Frosted Flakes. Pain does not seem to register to these drug-induced individuals. Competitions need to be held to find the most powerful drug. I’d love to see a UFC match between athletes, one on bath salts and the other on crack cocaine. I’m sure this “Drugged: 100” TV show already exists somewhere on intergalactic cable. The return on investment would be astronomical. Each fight would go all 10 rounds for the grand prize of a Burger King Whopper and $25.
It’s interesting to see how drugs in society are becoming less taboo, as their uses have gone from solely recreational to now include more driven, motivated purposes. Not only are they becoming more prevalent in sports, but they are seeping into the arts world where they’re utilized to enhance the users’ creativity. The relationship between humans and the chemical technology we use to alter our bodies will only become more fascinating as time continues.
Media References:
Teen Titans
The Boys
Dave Chappelle: The Age of Spin
Physical: 100
Rick and Morty